"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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