shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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