ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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