I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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