Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The feeling are messing with the penis
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
