I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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