I wanna bring you to show and tell
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
