New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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