Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
