how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
two words...techno handjob
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
