Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
