btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
