I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
