I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
