Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
