Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I believe in your delicious
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
