You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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