We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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