Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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