So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
