Have you finally orgasmed yet?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
