i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
