It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
