some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
