good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
