I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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