i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
