I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
