I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
