Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
