i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
