well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
