i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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