dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
