We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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