I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
