Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
