he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
