i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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