I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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