Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
