I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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