Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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