is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
