Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
