So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
