I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
