The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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