Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
