i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
