I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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